While we wait, we wonder, we imagine, we prepare, we pray, we even FEAR. Yes, it is true. If you have ever adopted, you probably know what I am talking about. There is so much excitement and curiosity, which is what we prefer to talk about. What we prefer not to talk about, but is still there, is the fear. I have moments where I feel nervous about what is about to happen. I worry about the plane ride with 3 kids in tow one way; and 5 on the way back. I get nervous about the financial aspect. I get nervous that I am not enough. What if I feed Ivor something he cannot chew and he chokes? What if I forget Trigg's medicine? What if...what if...what if...?
However, I know, God has His hands all over this situation. He will see us through.
If you ever wonder if Satan exists, do something that speaks directly to the heart of God and he will rear his ugly head. Throughout this whole process, I have not been worried or concerned. Now that the time is so near, it seems as the devil himself, is hard at work trying to scare me, and make me feel inadequate.
Thankfully, all I have to do is go back on my own testimony. When I was just a little girl, I would pretend I had twins. I got twin Cabbage Patch kids for Christmas one year. Oh, I remember the joy! As I got a little older, I ordered twins baby dolls from a magazine, except they were African American. I remeber pretending they were adopted. Ten years ago, I miscarried a twin. One year ago, I met twins in an orphange in Africa and when I returned home, I showed their photo to my husband. He asked, "When you adopt, can you actually request twins?" Well, not really. And that was the exact answer our agency gave us. Not long after that, I remember kneeling by my bed, asking God, "If there are twins out there, that need a home, please allow them to find us." A few weeks later, I got the call that shook me to my core. "Twins." Twins? Really? OH-MY-LANTA! Did I really expect a referral on twins? Honestly? No. Does this even seem real yet? No, not yet.
Then, I pull up photos of those cute little boys, and my heart melts. I worry already about diaper rashes they may have right now. I worry about changing their formula. I feel horrible about their upcoming loss of their nannies. I am ready. I can't wait to finally hold them in my arms and rock them to sleep. I am so anxious to get to know their personalities and learn about their likes and dislikes. I am excited to finally be able to snap off my own pictures instead of stocking Love Without Boundaries Facebook page everday, hoping they appear. I can't wait to see them peacefully sleeping in a bed, in a home, amongst a family. I dream about birthday cakes and Christmas mornings.
We have sent a total of 5 family albums to Ch*na and it appears the 5th one actually made it! Here they are, having a tug-of-war over our photos. A gentle reminder of the many disputes two 18 month old's are going to have around here!
This photo shows a closeup of Ivor, with Trigg in the background pointing and laughing with the nannies at our album. What must he be thinking???
Join us in praying for our Travel Approval. We are 17 days in to the wait! Hopefully we will get it early next week!